Archive d’étiquettes pour : Being yourself

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Wounds that prevent you from being yourself

We have all been evolving since our early childhood with emotional wounds that follow us in the shadows like ghosts. Until the day when, for one reason or another, you lose your balance. A shock, a sadness, a huge tiredness, etc.  And there, the ghost comes out of the shadow, arrives in the light and persecutes you. When I say that the ghost comes out of the shadows, I simply mean that your problems come back suddenly with their lots of suffering while you thought that all this was settled for good.

Emotional wounds can be diverse. The main ones are rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice.

I will try to give you short, succinct definitions with my words because I think that if you really want to delve deeper into one or more topics in particular, the internet is very good and you will find specialists who study all this in detail. For my part, I will simply summarize what is important to me about these wounds.

Rejection

Rejection reflects a deep loneliness that makes you stick to an affective or relational situation that brought you down. You need to isolate yourself  to escape what has brought you suffering. As a result you look down on yourself and do not accept when you are complimented. There is here necessarily a wound in your past which prevents you from moving forward. The feeling of rejection can make you feel a lack of love, affection and tenderness since your childhood. You feel destabilized, suffer from emotional emptiness, and unconsciously turn toward people who are like you.

If you want to go deeper into the subject of rejection, I recommend a very nice book by Lise Bourbeau, “the wounds that prevent you from being yourself”.

Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is very often linked to traumas that occurred early in life. Very often these traumas occurred during the early childhood. But unfortunately, these continue to distil  daily poisons to the person who suffers. It interferes, of course, in his or her love life but also in professional and family life. It can be a separation, mourning of a person or a divorce. It may be fear that dad or mom will leave one day. The reaction to this kind of event can be very different depending on the character of each. Some people will react very well, the trauma will follow its course and be delt way with naturally, but for others, the same event may then cause a real cataclysm. Fear of abandonment is a reality and can be characterized by the fear of being rejected again.

There are therapies to help you identify origins such as psychoanalysis, hypnosis, and if you have an opening of consciousness, the magnetizer can do it with you too.

Humiliation

Humiliation is not an emotion in itself. I think it’s more a wound to our self-esteem. Humiliation can be inflicted on us by someone from outside or we can inflict it on ourselves. It is often accompanied by a feeling of shame and it often triggers anger, revolt or aggression. One thing is certain, this emotional state leaves a deep trace inside us. We can feel mediocre, ridiculous and anything we do feels bad. And even if we receive compliments that should bring some satisfaction, the feeling of humiliation is much stronger and it takes over.

Humiliation can happen often in your daily lives because many people are unable to communicate except by humiliating others as they have often been from their childhood. Thus, in the adult state, they reproduce this pattern not thinking of harming the person in front of them.

I would say that to better manage this suffering, it is should be enough to know oneself and  and our own value. HoweverI know from experience, because it is the case of people who come to my office, that people need help to overcome humiliation and the  process can be difficult at times.

Treason

“Of all the suffering a human being can experience, treason is without doubt one of those that leaves the deepest scars. “

I read this statement in an article recently. To my view this may apply to every trauma:  Whatever the wound is, it leaves inevitably a deep trace. Of course, treason implies disillusionment and loss of confidence. With, for example, the end of a sentimental relationship, the mourning of certain dreams and unrealized projects. All of this creates a negative impact that will darken self-esteem and often bring harsh judgment we can make toward ourselves. We then question ourselves, we have pain, anger or both.

Some therapists can tell you “trust, that everything that happens is for the greater good.” “Return to a state of love rather than remain in this state of suffering. ”

I’m not sure that the people who wrote these lines really experienced this hurting one day. [I would not put this sentence. It does not add anything positive.]

Injustice

Some people get angry with and disturbed by injustice. . When some are wrongly accused of something they have not done, for example, or are victims of inequality, they have strong reaction to this injustice and it causes them great pain. In the same way, when some of us witness  a particularly unjust and violent scene, they feel deeply hurt. It feels to them like a personal attack because their deep inner values ​​are challenged.

Many of us consider justice to be a sacred thing, we react as if we were a holy  knight. However there may be personal reasons that  that prompt such reactions. It is possible  that during your childhood you were victim of injustice within your family or elsewhere and that you reproduce exactly the same pattern. A memory comes up which causes you to react disproportionately and to lose your balance.

There is nothing wrong in reacting and wanting  to help others, far from it, but there is no reason to  to lose one’s calm and to be carried away in a series of reactions making you lose your balance.

One thing is certain for me, even if you must heal your own patterns of injustice, continue to help those in need, enforce their rights, and not allow them to be abused by malicious people.

In conclusion

I have tried to give you a small partial overview of each of these wounds which in my opinion prevent us from being fully and freely ourselves. Often these wounds direct our lives and reactions without our noticing it. Feel free to get rid of it and know that there is no shame and embarrassment to ask for help if you feel that a pattern or some injury is blocking you. Your soul often only expects that. Then there are therapists, doctors, specialists, hypnotists, kinesiologists and magnetizers to help you regain that state of serenity that we all have deep inside us.

 

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Be Yourself

In the world in which we live it is very difficult to be oneself. Without realizing it, each of us puts on one or more different masks. These personae are created over time depending on a situation, a role or a job for example.

Our life is thus formatted by an invisible grid that our family or society imposes on us. And we take on the personae thus created. For a woman, for example, roles can be multiple: mother, wife, good friend, a high-level sportswoman or professional woman, etc … Over time we identify with these personae and we define ourselves as such with all the difficulties that come with it. Problems arise along with money, love, work, responsibilities, and the list is endless. It is very difficult to be oneself with all these roles that we have to play.

Our mind is faced with endless questioning. “Am I doing well? “Am I making the right decision? “Am I competent enough? And sometimes: “If I had known I would have done otherwise! Our mind is in perpetual motion, shifting between all these roles to play.

Not easy to be oneself or even to know whom we are in such conditions? It is not easy for me. When am I playing all these roles? The true being that I am, where is this I inside, if any? How to find balance between all this?

How do you learn to listen to your inner voice when others constantly put demands on you?

And why can’t we simply turn inwards and listen to ourselves? Simply forget the eyes of the beholder from now on.

Playing the role of someone we are not, just to make friends, or to respond to so-called obligations that others impose on us is not the solution. As well as being with somoene or integrating a group to be well regarded or avoid loneliness.

One thing is sure: you can never meet all the expectations of all others  around you.  Thus you must listen to yourself to know what you want to do with your life and make the best of it: it is YOUR life and not that of others. It’s not a selfish posture, it’s simply going back to your inner self and reconnecting with it to do better, feel better and be of better service to others and society.

First you need to accept whom you are with all your good and bad qualities, your injuries whether physical or otherwise. For many of us, appearance is important to win acceptation but this is not essential. If you do not accept your face, your body, your little flaws, you do not accept yourself as a whole. And if we do not accept ourselves as we are simply with our imperfections, we cannot be happy.

When we feel good in our body and our mind, we radiate a nice positive energy that attracts people around. You may not be pretty or handsome, but you are radiant and bright. Others feel a very positive attraction.

To fulfil this quest towards our inner self means that we will strike a balance between what we want, what we are, and what others expect of us. Turning our mind inwards is necessary in a process of opening consciousness.

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How to be yourself

Even if it is difficult to be really yourself, one thing is certain, you can not be yourself if you do not accept yourself. So the first goal you need to fix is:

Take a moment and ask yourself what is important to you and what is valuable to you? And take the time to ask yourself what is the essence and the true aspiration of your being.

” To take some fresh air “

For that, think of the things that you like, practice sports activities that speak to you, take rest periods to open a book. Go once a week to the cinema for example, go for walks in the forest or many other things. Give yourself time to get out of your subway train, work, sleep. These activities will provide you with an interior space to reflect your deep aspirations.

“Turn the page of the past and evolve”

Then a very important state not to cultivate is not to live in the past. Too many people live in the past with perpetual affirmations like:

“Ah, ten years ago I was doing this, I was doing this”
“When I think of our moments of laughter, I regret it”
“I was a lot cooler at the time”

Do not hurt yourself unnecessarily. The past is the past. Turn the page and give yourself the right to forgive your mistakes and forgive yourself for that attitude or behavior you were not proud of for example.

All of this belongs to the past. Now you are in the present moment. Only this one really exists. I would say that in any case, all experiences, no matter what they are, remain positive. They make us evolve. If one of your friends replies to you: “not me, I’m the same as twenty years ago” it may be that somewhere he does not evolve much, he remains in his closed parterns. But I tell you, until the end of our days, we will continue to evolve and learn and that is what makes the great wealth of life.

“Stop comparing yourself to others”

Concentrate on your energy, the inner strength that lies deep within you. Concentrate on it and stop making comparisons of yourself with your neighbor.

The comparison brings you right to grudge or jealousy and this state of being is not good at all. Because instead of focusing on yourself, you are focused on someone else. Which, subsequently, leads to criticism of others. A life filled with criticism directed towards the development of a bad self-esteem, a lack of confidence and a bad mirror for your friends.

As a result, you risk to lose them. Being in analysis, comparison and criticism takes you away from yourself to imprison you because you can not be fully yourself only when you are free from it. To envy one’s neighbor is, in a way, to come out of one’s inner house and thus get lost.

“No one is perfect, find your inner child and laugh! “

In conclusion I would say that there are no miracle recipes. But just try to relax, not worry about your neighbor, take the time to be and laugh at simple things like a child. You are not perfect, nobody is. And the more you will remain the inner child, the more you will remain in simplicity, the lighter your life will be and you will get closer to yourself.

“We attract what we are”

We attract what we are, by being more and more just yourself, you will attract people and situations that match you. Stay away from negativity, if someone criticizes you or throws you some thoughts, do not take it personally, let them talk and do not let those words affect your state of being. It is often these people who have a problem, not you. The person in front of you acts according to his own state of being, his own demons, is maybe jealous or frustrated or maybe both.

In a few words :

In a few words, stay honest and have an open mind. Simply acknowledge your faults, do not compare yourself to others, and do not try to look like this or that person because it will not be you and you will not be happy about it. Keep it simple, do not worry about what others think. Recognize your qualities as well as your faults, welcome your smiles and sorrows and affirm your tolerance and gratitude.

One thing is certain, it is that you attract the people who correspond to you so if you want joy, love and laugh, welcome what you are in the depths of your being.